SPARKY’S UNABRIDGED DICTONARY OF ELECTRICAL DAFFYNITIONS

  • Approved: Rating given by Mom & Dad to their daughter’s new boyfriend, who’s in medical school
  • Non-Approved: Rating given by Mom & Dad to their daughter’s new boyfriend, who’s working at the car wash
  • Bonding: The cosmic unison of two people’s souls, aura’s and karma
  • Bonding Jumper: A criminal who disappears after someone posts his bond
  • Continuous Load: Your live-in mother in-law
  • Conductor: The person who drives the train
  • Conduit: We “con-duit” for you. All jobs large or small, we deliver safe, quality workDead Front : An affliction that occasionally effects adult males
  • Demand Factor: A point at which Dad finally gives in and says yes to his daughter’s insistent demands for another new pair of shoes
  • Dimmer: What all the lights in the house seem to be after the handyman repairs the bathroom outlet
  • Dust Tight: Something with so much dust on it, that it can’t be cleaned
  • Exposed: The condition of the plumber, who is bent over working under your sink
  • Feeder: Something your wife yells at you to do at 2:00 in the morning, when you’re two-week-old daughter is crying
  • Fire: 1.)¬†What you should do to the handyman one hour after he starts remodeling your kitchen; 2.) what often happens because you didn’t fire the handyman
  • Fish Tape: Tape used to repair fish
  • Flash Light: Usually what immediately follows after the “OHM” chant (see ohm)
  • Grounded : The removal or suspension of your teenager’s privileges for coming in after curfew
  • Grounding: The threat of the removal or suspension of your teenagers privileges for coming in after curfew (see “Grounded”)
  • Hazardous Location: Your teenage son’s bedroom
  • Hertz: Americas #1 car rental dealer; Mega-hertz: a whole lotta #1 car rental dealers
  • Hickey Bender: What fathers want to do to the boys who make those black marks on their daughter’s necks
  • Ohm: Part of a chant that handymen use when connecting two wires together “Ohmmm I hope this worrrrks”
  • Outlet: A large discount shopping area; Light outlet: a large discount shopping area for non-serious, occasional shoppers; Power outlet: a large discount shopping area for serious, heavy-duty shoppers
  • Overloaded: What your brain becomes while trying to explain those questionable deductions to the IRS agent
  • Qualified Person: Everyone on Romitti Electric’s staff
  • Screwdriver: A strong drink made of orange juice and vodka, needed immediately after the “FLASH LIGHT” to calm the handyman’s nerves (see ohm and flashlight)
  • Special Permission: What fathers give to their daughters on Prom night, to stay out after curfew
  • Switch: A thin, strong branch, usually form a hickory tree, applied by Dad to Jonny’s backside, after sneaking off with the car
  • 3-way Switch: Same as above, but adding Jonny’s two brothers who were discovered to be Jonny’s accomplices; 4-way switch: includes sister Joanie
  • Switchboard: What Ernestine the operator works at (one ringy-dingy)
  • T-rated: Approved by Mr. “T”
  • Volts: What a good citizen does on the first Tuesday in November
  • Voltmeter: Device used to count “volts” on election day
  • Wet Location: A baby’s bottom after six hours of no diaper changes
  • ZIGZAG Transformer: The dude at the head shop who can transform a paper into a special cigarette, using only one hand
  • 120/240: The blood pressure of the handyman as he guesses his way through your kitchen remodeling
  • 277/480: The homeowner’s blood pressure after learning he has to spend thousands of dollars more, because everything the handyman did is wrong, and has to be redone

Sparky’s Daffynitions are intended to be fun and entertaining. Unfortunately there are many so-called “electricians” out there who don’t know the difference.